What Really Matters, According to Me

1. Make your life's choices based on principles, not feelings. Feelings change and sometimes lie. Trust principles, not feelings. 2. A grateful heart is the key to happiness. Always say "thank you" more than once (especially to Heavenly Father). 3. If you struggle to be grateful, imagine a situation worse than the one you're in (things CAN always get worse), and be grateful that didn't happen. 4. If you cannot be pleasant, be silent. Nothing is so miserable that complaining can't make things worse. 5. Be proactive, not reactive. Nobody has the remote control to you or your feelings. You are in control of yourself. 6. Remember the glory of God is intelligence, and knowledge is power. Be a lifelong learner of good and uplifting things. Remember the greatest knowledge you'll ever gain will come directly from your Heavenly Father through the Spirit of Truth. 7. Use your power, talents and gifts to bless and lift others. Don't be afraid to share; stage-frig...

My Navy daughter had some concerns about spending two weeks with family before she left for her next duty station. At the top of her list was the need to be near a gym while she was on leave so she could keep up with her two-hour daily workout schedule. Not only does she want to keep fit for work, but if she doesn’t work out six days a week for two hours every day, she feels anxious, sort of depressed and generally uncomfortable and unhappy. I hadn’t noticed quite so much until one of her little sisters mentioned it, but she thinks about exercise throughout the day and talks about it a lot. When you come from a family of alcoholics on one side and a family of 400lb women on the other side, like I do, you benefit from knowing something about how addictions manifest. For whatever reasons (environment, genetics or a combination of those and other factors), some of us get hooked more easily than others. Distinguishing between normal, healthy indulgences and addictions can be tricky for the...

Soon we’ll cross the imaginary line that distinguishes 2020 from 2021. The coming of a new year is usually a time when we set goals or rededicate ourselves to resolutions we made last year (and maybe didn’t reach). This year however, for the first time since we collectively worried our computers would crash at midnight Y2K, some of us aren’t necessarily looking excitedly forward to the coming New Year’s Day. With uncertainties over the economy, the pandemic, employment, housing issues and politics, many Americans fear the coming of 2021 will bring more of the same difficulties that plagued 2020. Though we often fear the unknown, this time around we’re afraid we might see more of what’s become all too familiar. If you find yourself struggling to get excited about the coming new year, try shifting your focus away from the run-of-the-mill resolutions you might have made. Instead, determine to focus your purpose on altruistic goals. Altruistic resolutions are those with concentration on se...

I received a text message Saturday evening: “What do you want for Christmas?” My reply: “I want the wrong to fail, the right to prevail and for there to be peace on earth.” The response: “I don’t think I can get you that or make that happen.” The message continued, expressing hope for various LEGO® themed building sets (in case I have Santa connections, I guess). As I thought about the question and my answer, my eyes were drawn to the twinkling lights of our little Christmas tree reflected in the wrapping paper of the presents thereabout. I thought about all of the money spent on gifts over the 33 years of my ongoing mother-related life’s experiences. I remembered some of the biggest, most expensive gifts, wondering how valuable they really were. I see now that the most expensive gifts aren’t the best I gave. The best gifts are memories: Making special cookies and taking them to loved ones on Thanksgiving Day; being the first Christmas carolers wishing them Merry Christmas. The best in...

I recently had occasion to visit with a young woman who has become so skilled at disconnecting when she feels upset, that she can’t remember some of the important milestones in her life. As a likely response to the ongoing problems in her childhood home, years ago she developed a coping mechanism which helped to protect her from the unpredictable and ongoing cycles of volatility in her relationship with one of her parents (and the fear resultant from that insecurity). The problem with emotional disconnect in children is that, if left unaddressed, it can become the go-to method for dealing with stress later in adult life, and sometimes this happens without anyone noticing, even the person dissociating. In severe cases, dissociative personality disorder can develop which puts the individual at increased risk for a multitude of associated adverse mental and physical health conditions, including relationship problems. Dissociative amnesia, dissociative identity disorder and depersonalizati...

From “Race ya to the slide,” to “Race ya to the White House,” we are a competitive people. Unfortunately, if we don’t compete regularly and often, a loss may feel exceptionally painful. For some of us, a loss may even result in extreme disappointment, anger and even fear. Often, these feelings lead to resentment. If the pain of losing becomes too difficult to bear, sometimes we simply stop caring about winning at all. When we stop caring, we stop trying and accept (expect) defeat without any disappointment. Learned helplessness has been observed in hopeless people, resigned to loss. Elie Wiesel (Holocaust survivor), opined: “The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference.” Rather than anger, resentment or indifference, let us train to develop sympathetic joy for those who experience victory, even if our defeat is part of the price paid for them to win. Here’s...

Over the last couple of weeks, my kids at home and I spent some time watching some of our favorite movies (I’m proud we’ve all read the books). Near the end of one saga, a very young man asks a much older, wiser man this question: "Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?" The sage answered: "Of course it is happening inside your head…but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” (J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows) If you had no special together-time this past holiday, continue the practice of reflecting on pleasant moments in years gone by. Holidays are like memory markers, helping us hold on to happy experiences and some of the best times in life, even when it sometimes seems the best of the good times are behind us; existing only inside our heads. Daniel Kahneman PhD, among many others, has studied how holiday rituals impact our memory of special times. He and his colleagues have likened our memories to snapshots; explaining ...