What is Preserved

So many times over the years there have been forces in the world that would pull apart our family, beginning with the marriage. If the marriage fails, the family falls apart. How desperately important it is, then, to nurture and secure the strength of marriage.

Many years ago, the thought occurred to me that I might not want to spend the rest of my life with my husband, Daniel. It was a tough time. We both said and did things we shouldn't have. We were separated for a couple of weeks, even. At that time, we only had Daniel,Jr. I wasn't planning to have any more kids. At 21 years old, I was done. Marriage was too hard.

Obviously, we worked it out. Over, and over again, we've worked it out. It's not that marriage has become perfect or even wonderful at all moments of the day and night. It is that marriage has become clear to our view. It has become obvious to me and to my husband that more hinges upon our successful marriage than our own gratification. We have a responsibility to Daniel Jr. And almost 24 years down the road since our wedding day, we now have a responsibility to 8 additional children... the last of which is only a baby... yet a while longer, at least. Josh will be a year old in April.

Not only must we preserve our peaceful and loving relationship in marriage for our own good, but the example we set for our children may make the difference between a happily ever after for them, or not. Once a child comes into the world through our actions, it ceases to be about us and becomes about them. Not only while they are young, but for the rest of their lives and into eternity.

Loving someone after a quarter of a century isn't an act of romantic fate. It is a choice. I choose to be kind. I choose to speak words of appreciation and encouragement. I choose to serve with an attitude of kindness and joy. I choose to smile when I feel like frowning, sometimes. I choose to be silent when I feel like screaming, sometimes. I choose to place a gentle hand upon a shoulder and say: I love you, no matter what... when I feel like... well, some things don't need to be said, do they?

I've found that it doesn't matter if my blood is boiling. If I smile and speak softly, others believe I'm patient and loving. That's what matters. How we affect the lives of others. After all: what goes around, comes around, right? And I remember something about 'when you lose your life for the sake of someone else... you actually save your life.'

I believe that is true. I've lost myself in loving the good man to whom I am eternally joined, and the nine children I've born in this life. How glad I am that I wasn't done at one child! How grateful I am that I stayed! How grateful for all that is saved in a marriage that stays together!


Close the Window
by srw
23 Dec 99


We dance the days of life away
to the tune of an old song;
Moving slowly inside this room
of four walls defining our world.

Through the window we hear the beat
of a distant drum somewhere in the night:
Hands laid upon a tightly stretched skin
evoking passion... perhaps greater than ours.

We dance the same safe step,
wondering at the sound of thunder
Whispering to our hearts to
seek the drummer.

The rhythm of a new song
begins to echo inside us.
Cradled in the arms of familiarity,
we close the window

without missing a step.