...the place for anger...

I recently had occasion to spend time in the company of a couple celebrating their 64th wedding anniversary. Donna told me they’ve not had one argument to date. (There was a time I would’ve doubted her.) In a brief few minutes, Bob and Donna Johnson shared their story with me: She came from a large family of 12 children. They were poor, but didn’t know it. The children may have fussed with each other, but the parents never did. Their family was peaceful. Bob came from what he called a “broken home.” He wasn’t kidding. When he was ten years old, Bob’s parents BOTH left the family of three children. Bob, the oldest, cared for his two younger sisters, ages 8 and 3, by feeding them cereal and milk he charged on an open tab left by his father at the local market. This went on for a few weeks until the grocer became suspicious. Bob said the grocer must’ve done some detective work because not many days after questioning him about when his daddy was going to come pay the bill (to which the boy honestly replied “I don’t know”), Bob’s grandfather showed up “out of nowhere,” and took the three children to live with him (…took them away to a little town called Blanco). Bob said it all turned out for the better anyway, as his parents fought and argued constantly. It certainly did turn out well for the Johnsons. Not because they had the world handed to them on a silver platter, but because they made choices along the way that led them to success. At ten years of age, Bob could’ve chosen to follow the example of his parents, but he didn’t. He provided comfort and security to two little sisters who needed him. He stepped up to fill a man’s shoes. He grew to be a good man, and married Donna when they were both very young. Like any man may feel he has reason, now and then, Bob could’ve become angry and could’ve yelled at his wife and children when things got out of order…but he didn’t. He doesn’t. He’s patient and longsuffering. Donna is the same. Both decided at the beginning of marriage that they wouldn’t become angry and wouldn’t argue. Both are selfless people, as opposed to selfish people (which selfishness is at the root of all marital problems. If you don’t believe me, I challenge you to think of one marital problem that cannot be traced back to selfishness on the part of one or even both partners). Married happily ever after doesn’t have to be something lost, you know. It’s still possible to live married life devoid of anger, resentment and strive. Although there are countless many things that can trigger an initial angry feeling, what we do the instant that happens is up to us. Being angry is a choice we make, and when we choose to be angry, we run the risk of tearing down our relationships, when it would be wiser for us to be about the business of building them up. Anger is a powerful destroyer, after all. It can destroy love, if we let it. Nothing good comes of it. “Anger doesn’t solve anything. It builds nothing, but it can destroy everything.” (Lawrence Douglas Wilder) I lived in a marriage weighed down by chronic anger for three decades. I now live in a marriage elevated by peace and Christ-like love. It hasn’t been 64 years, yet, but since the time we met, Wilson and I haven’t had one argument (and we’ve been parenting and step-parenting five children at home). I testify that life truly can be as one of my mother’s favorite hymns: “In the cottage there is joy...Hate and envy ne'er annoy…Roses bloom beneath our feet… All the earth's a garden sweet… Making life a bliss complete when there's love at home” (Love at Home by John Hugh McNaughton). When I grow up, I want to be like Donna. Wilson is already a lot like Bob (thank goodness ). I’m looking forward to the coming years and hope our children will remember us the way Bob and Donna’s children remember them and will say our little cottage was filled with love. I hope they’ll remember roses blooming beneath their feet…and the garden sweet… There’s no place for anger here. Follow Sally Blackburn on Facebook and at http://sallywindhamblackburn.blogspot.com Send comments and queries to sally_blackburn@yahoo.com

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