...the road to hell...

Many years ago, I told my mother “I intended to” (whatever it was), and she introduced me to the old adage, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” I didn’t understand that at first, being pretty young, but my mother explained: good intentions do no good unless they’re backed up by good deeds. I was thereafter prejudiced to the proverb for decades…until I came to see it from another angle only recently. An offer to help was made to someone who took offense at the suggestion and ‘all hell broke loose.’ One might say there’s ‘hell to pay’ now. In a different way, I see our good intentions have inadvertently paved the road to what has come to feel like hell in the relationship between those who would have been servants and those who would have been served by love; but who have instead become deeply injured and insulted by them who’ve come to be seen as hurtful and insulting. Wow…sure didn’t see it coming. You know, help is only helpful when it’s welcome and wanted. When a helping hand is slapped away, it isn’t likely seen as a would be helping hand. It’s more likely seen as a meddlesome intrusion by someone who doesn’t know, doesn’t see, doesn’t really care. Sometimes an offer to help is seen as a criticism, a harsh judgment or a vote of no confidence. In such instances, if the one to whom the offer of help is issued becomes insulted beyond insult, unless there is forgiveness and compassion, relationships can be permanently damaged. Someone once said it’s a good thing to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, visit the sick and the afflicted. He didn’t say what to do if you try to clothe someone who said they were actually sunbathing, not naked. He didn’t say you might offend someone if you try to feed them when they’re on a diet…or if they’re not actually sick and afflicted when you visit them. What then? Albert Einstein said, "No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it." When someone takes offense easily, it’s generally a pattern in their way of living. Becoming offended isn’t the result of something someone said or did, or didn’t say or do. Becoming offended is a choice. The level of consciousness that created the offense will continue until the level of the offended person’s consciousness is elevated. “If you believe that you won't be happy or feel secure until others do what you think they should, you've given your personal power away. If you do this, you'll continue to try to get from others what you should be giving to yourself.” (Joyce Shafer, author and life coach) It’s wise to be slow to take offense, and to be quick to apologize, as well. Give the other guy at least as much credit for his good intentions as you’d like to have. Life feels so much better when we’re not hurt, angry and upset. Having said all this, I haven’t enjoyed treading today upon the road paved with good intentions...