What Makes Happiness

I thought I’d spend a few hours in the waiting room reading or writing, but I’ve spent most of the time here in conversation with my dear friend, who doesn’t know how to take “I’m really OK, you don’t need to come,” for an answer. It’s not like this is our first go around with spinal surgery, and I told everyone I’m not worried and I don’t want anyone to come wait with me (as if something may go wrong and I’m afraid to be alone…just in case). I guess I need to admit at this point, half way through the projected four-hour procedure (during these few moments I’m alone because Kim has gone for a walk and I don’t intend to leave this waiting room until the surgeon comes out with a report); I see, now, that I’m somewhere between being slightly worried and being in denial (of my fear). I’m thinking that may explain my poor quality of sleep these last several days leading into the surgery, my headaches, my upset stomach and my general bad mood; anxiety. Ugh. Recognizing what’s going on inside my head (and why), is one step in a healthy direction. Those deeply rooted emotions are there for a reason and can motivate behavior, if allowed to do so. It’s a good thing we all have power to choose our actions, though. We aren’t slaves to emotion. If you haven’t heard of him, Christopher Petersen, PhD is one of the pioneers in what’s been dubbed ‘Positive Psychology,’ a therapeutic focus on the causes of happiness and the implementation of behaviors that lead to success and wellness. Positive Psychology is on the other end of the spectrum from the Freudian practice of primarily focusing on discovering root causes of general unhappiness and mental illness or emotional dysfunction. Although there’s generally acknowledgement that both negative and positive focus is needed, the development of new behaviors that tend to create more health, can be practiced even IF the root(s) of problem(s) are never fully understood. That’s pretty good news, isn’t it? First- identify the unhealthy behavior. Second- Exchange unhealthy behavior patterns for healthy patterns. This practice will benefit anyone, even if it’s never discovered why there was once unhealthy behavior. Having said that, I could focus on why I prefer to be alone in stressful moments, but it’s more helpful to focus on how the love of my friends heals even old wounds, as I allow it. Next time, I’ll tell you more. In the meantime, somewhere between the beginning and the end of this piece, my husband has moved from the operating room, to recovery, and is now in the PCU… and I have exhaled, finally.