Know When to Speak and When to Remain Silent

My mother used to say we spend two years teaching children to talk and the next twenty teaching them how and when to be quiet. I still smile when I think of that. She was one of those moms who had a lot of good things to say. She was blunt. She was honest. She was good. One always knew where he stood with her. She seemed to know what to say and when, and she knew when to be quiet. When to speak? That’s the question. It brings to mind the oldie about whether or not a tree falling in a deserted forest makes a sound. Of course, it does, but what does it matter, if no one hears it? It’s the same with the words we speak. We hope they mean something to the person upon whose ears they fall. We hope they convey the meaning we intend. In a perfect world, our words are well thought, articulated with precision, are registered by the listener without mechanical interference, are unfiltered by bias or cognitive errors, and the feedback from the listener demonstrates our true message was received the way we intended. That would be perfect communication. It seems an easy enough process. Effective communicating is such an important and integral part of relating to others, there are textbooks written about it, degrees offered relative to it, seminars to help with it, life-coaches to train it, counsellors to help identify areas for improvement and to offer tools to that end, there are sometimes wise friends with advice about it, and there are even countless memes on digital media to school us. There’s a never-ending stream of words these days; “Racket,” Mom called it. It’s easy to get caught up in the flow of it. It can also become easy to tune out what we don’t want to hear. We can scroll on by, turn it down or turn it off. We can look away. Media aside, what’s worse is to become racket from which those we love turn away. How sad it is when those around us tune out, pass by, or otherwise turn off. When that happens, it’s time to assess the messages we’re sending; not just words spoken and unspoken, but the manner in which the messages are sent. Remember, intent alone isn’t the sole determiner of effective communication. When the result of your communication is a misunderstanding, it’s time to step back and evaluate your technique. Rather than continuing to speak, it may be better to take a moment for quiet and stillness. Reflect on the process. Locate the errors. Correct them. Not every word you could speak should be spoken. Know when to be quiet.