What Good Friends Do

As we headed our various directions after SWEAT this morning, Rose paused to pick up a little ball of bright green moss. “This reminds me of my grandson,” she said, “He found something like this (recently) and was so excited!” She smiled at the memory and continued, “He said, ‘It’s just like its own little world.’” I was happy she shared that with me. The amazement in a new discovery and the opening of his eyes to a deeper understanding was beautiful to the grandmother of a little boy, and the memory of it will always be a treasure. Because she shared that little moment with me, complete with an object to demonstrate the lesson, I glimpsed the wonderful epiphany of a young child realizing his world isn’t the only one. Because she shared it with me, her joy became mine. Friendship is a wonderful thing. It can also be a terrible thing, depending on how it’s done… Unhealthy friendships involve easily angered people with a generally negative attitude toward life, gossiping about other people, criticisms, reminders of past mistakes, manipulation of feelings or behaviors, or pressure to do something one wouldn’t normally do or what one doesn’t want to do. Such “toxic” friendships cause you stress and can leave you feeling like you give without getting. Rather than feeling uplifted, you likely feel drained after time spent together in an unhealthy friendship. Healthy friendships are an important part of an overall healthy life. Of such, Aristotle said, “In poverty and other misfortunes of life, true friends are a sure refuge. They keep the young out of mischief; they comfort and aid the old in their weakness, and they incite those in the prime of life to noble deeds.” That was written around 2,070 years ago, but the power and influence of friendship is confirmed by many modern biological studies. For instance, multiple modern studies have shown that if your friends eat healthily, you’re more likely to eat in similar fashion. If your friends exercise, you’re more likely to do the same. That goes along with ‘birds of a feather flock together,’ doesn’t it? Friendship, and the effects of it, are so important that even we, the old “…married people say friendship is more than five times as important as physical intimacy within marriage.” (Tom Rath, Vital Friends 2006). Choose your friends wisely. Be a good friend, too. Keep an eye out for those red flag indicators of an unhealthy friendship. Be willing to back off from toxic relationships and make room in your life for healthy ones. You’ll recognize budding healthy friendships if you carefully look for them. Share goodness. Encourage health and strength. That’s what good friends do.