How Real is Memory

Over the last couple of weeks, my kids at home and I spent some time watching some of our favorite movies (I’m proud we’ve all read the books). Near the end of one saga, a very young man asks a much older, wiser man this question: "Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?" The sage answered: "Of course it is happening inside your head…but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” (J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows) If you had no special together-time this past holiday, continue the practice of reflecting on pleasant moments in years gone by. Holidays are like memory markers, helping us hold on to happy experiences and some of the best times in life, even when it sometimes seems the best of the good times are behind us; existing only inside our heads. Daniel Kahneman PhD, among many others, has studied how holiday rituals impact our memory of special times. He and his colleagues have likened our memories to snapshots; explaining that the most intense memories (positive or negative), coupled with the feeling we had at the end of an event are indicators as to how we will remember the experience as a whole. Kahneman calls this the “peak-end-rule.” It basically means we’ll remember the best and last moments of a given event (when the event has a beginning and ending). If there were special traditions and warm, loving farewells, we’ll recall the happiness as long as we live. If there were traditions of rudeness, sarcasms, arguments and slamming doors on the way out, we won’t likely remember so much of the good. When all is said and done, memories are what we have. We are powerful to create lasting memories in others as those who came before created memories in us. As long as someone lives who remembers us, we are part of their living memories. Create peaceful and happy memories in those whose lives you touch. Let them remember you with affection and respect. Our Thanksgiving holiday annual movie watching ritual is over and done. It’s one more memory we share, as a family. The turkey and other leftovers are gone, and the special time together at home has passed; now is our opportunity for reflection on happy moments we enjoyed together. Memory is powerful. “Recalling specific positive events promote(s) mental health resilience especially in the face of stress,” (Anne-Laura Van Harmelen PhD). Take the good doctor’s advice: relive your happiest moments again and again. Although we all finally relive the best times in life only in our own heads, the benefit and effect of those memories continue to be very real. Be well.