Presently Connected

I recently had occasion to visit with a young woman who has become so skilled at disconnecting when she feels upset, that she can’t remember some of the important milestones in her life. As a likely response to the ongoing problems in her childhood home, years ago she developed a coping mechanism which helped to protect her from the unpredictable and ongoing cycles of volatility in her relationship with one of her parents (and the fear resultant from that insecurity). The problem with emotional disconnect in children is that, if left unaddressed, it can become the go-to method for dealing with stress later in adult life, and sometimes this happens without anyone noticing, even the person dissociating. In severe cases, dissociative personality disorder can develop which puts the individual at increased risk for a multitude of associated adverse mental and physical health conditions, including relationship problems. Dissociative amnesia, dissociative identity disorder and depersonalization-derealization disorder are the three major disorders of this type that are defined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), which is a publication of the American Psychiatric Association. For detailed information on any of these three, visit the website of the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Pay attention when it seems “the lights are on, but nobody is home.” If you see that in your student, your child, grandchild or other youth in your care, address it carefully. By small acts of compassion, great changes can be brought about in a developing child. If you suspect you have a tendency to disconnect too easily or too often, know that recognition is the first step toward betterment and just like most behavior, there’s a training program to address it. Much of the mind training used to develop gratitude, to overcome unhealthy habits and to develop self-mastery in general are the same for addressing dissociative tendencies. Mindful breathing draws the focus to the present, connecting body and mind. Focusing on the present moment (recognizing what is true right now), is empowering, if not comforting. Talking to a skilled and trusted friend or counsellor, or even journaling as a way of exploring triggers to disconnecting can be very helpful. As we learn to identify dissociative triggers, we can develop strategies to remain present when triggers pop up (and they will). For my precious young friend, disconnecting created a safe place to go inside her head, when it seemed no place outside her body was. She’s a grown-up girl now, and she works every day to remain fully present. We all must choose to be in this moment; safely connected in the present time and place. For crisis intervention, call 800-950-NAMI or text “NAMI” to 741741. Be well.