What About Bullies?

It should come as no surprise that being bullied is significantly associated with feelings of anxiety. A bully uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker. We’ve all seen it (does the phrase “Say Uncle,” ring a bell?). Joking aside, simply being around someone who’s a known bully makes us feel uneasy. When it comes to kids who bully, data indicates that those same kids who bully have generally been bullied, too, at school or elsewhere. In reference to his research data relative to 8-year-old children who were bullies and who had also been the victims of bullying, Dr. Andre Sourander said “31% of…children had psychiatric problems that required treatment…the highest rates of depression, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, and substance abuse,” as they grew into adulthood (Andre Sourander, MD, JAMA Psychiatry, December 9, 2015). Sourander isn’t the only expert to warn about the long-term effects of bullying. Over the last couple of decades, more and more research has been focused on the connections between bullying and the increased incidence of depression, panic disorder, and the behavioral, educational, and emotional problems we’re seeing in the rising generation. One unfortunate and difficult to speak truth is that we have bullies at home and at school, who aren’t children. If you’ve taken time to ask your kids who their positively effective teachers are, you may have learned that some of the highly ineffective adults in authority could easily fit the definition of bully. Remember that bullies use their power to condemn, manipulate or ridicule. Bullies call names and say disparaging things to embarrass their victims. If parents or teachers behave in this way, they are bullies, and it’s time for us to intervene. Talk to your kids. Ask questions. Know the signs and symptoms of bullying. Remember that children don’t always volunteer reports of being bullied. Teach your children to speak with confidence and to hold themselves upright, with good posture. Teach them to look into your eyes when they speak and when spoken to. When your child needs to stand up to a bully, whether a peer or an adult, s/he must be practiced in assertive communication. Help him/her find the words. Repeat and rehearse together. Don’t assume bullying will just stop, without intervention. Be your child’s ally and best friend. Empower him/her against being bullied, whether by another child, an adolescent or by an adult with authority. Teach your children to defend themselves. A child who feels confident to defend him/herself is less likely to become a victim. Self-defense isn’t simply fighting, it’s protecting the body and the mind from abuse. Confidence is the number one deterrent to bullying. Strengthen your child to stand up to the bully.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Life Cycles

Like the cycles of freedom and bondage experienced ages before Polybius wrote his theories of benign and malignant governments, we continue to cycle today, even thousands of years later. Generations, societies, governments and the governed cycle. Even the earth cycles as it spins through day and night, revolving through seasons and years over millennia and eons of time. Cycles are a theme of living things; growth and decline. We struggle for growth and cycle through periods of accomplishment and strength then ease and weakness. Time spent at ease leads to weakness; a very natural part of the living cycle. This is true for the body, both physical and metaphysical. Among my close friends, I would say this is true for both the body and the spirit. The phenomenon manifests in societies of all sizes, from that of the United States to those the size of the average American family. Around and around we go from weak to strong to weak; from poor to rich to poor. Generation after generation; hum...
Read more

Handprint on My Heart

A treasured friend told me today that I’ve left my handprint upon her heart (she quoted a line from a song she heard on the way to SWEAT with me, and said it spoke to her of me). Of course, I felt a welling of emotion. She’s left her handprint upon mine, too. That’s what we do in this life, isn’t it (if we do it right)? We leave our marks upon each other, upon the rising generation, upon the land, upon whatever it may be that will remember us when we’re gone… As I write, I’m sitting in the room with my mother-in-law, as her breathing grows increasingly shallow by the hour and her feeble heart grows tired of beating. Her body is aged and failing. She’s lived a long and wonderful life. Not only did she bring six boys and a daughter into this world, but she raised them in the hills, on a farm, in a little two-room cabin, with no modern utilities. She raised happy children and happy grandchildren who were, and ever will be honored to call her mother. She did it right. This fine lady has le...
Read more

Breathe Well

It’s quiet here this afternoon. Some of us are gone out for the day, some are napping and some are silently socializing on the internet. My home is very still in this moment. Stillness is good. All of us need to learn to be still…and breathe. Some of us need to learn how to move and breathe, too. That’s usually a little bit trickier, which is why part of training and learning to move effectively includes training and learning to breathe properly. Let’s talk about breathing. In a nutshell: The diaphragm contracts and expands, causing the chest cavity to increase and decrease in size, which in turn allows for lung expansion and compression. There’s a few other muscles involved, but that’s the basics of breathing, right? Most of us generally take it for granted. (If you are chronically out of breath, and you haven’t already done so, see your doctor.) At the beginning of an exercise program, breathing is probably the most difficult thing to learn and to control. A little bit of exertion, ...
Read more