Rememering Heather

My little college girl is home from fifteen hundred miles away and we’re glad to have her, even under the strange circumstances in which we all find ourselves. We haven’t had some of the difficulties many families experience when college students come home for extended periods of time. She’s doing well working to assimilate into the daily home life, here. We haven’t had any tension, yet, but in close quarters (as are many families), we likely will. Even so, I hope she feels safe, accepted, wanted and loved, like she always has. When there’s tension at home, because a young adult is back in the nest, or simply because we’re feeling crowded in the nest (at the moment), there are a few tips we can all use to make our closer time together more pleasant. First, remember to speak in kindly toned voices; speak softly, speak slowly and speak with a pleasant expression on your face, if you ever begin to feel uptight. This is important when it comes to communication that matters. Second, remember that all relationships grow by the same healthy attention to detail (and can be damaged by the same unhealthy attention or by neglect). Here are some positive, healthy attention things you can do every day while you have more time to build relationships at home: Make sure everyone at home is clean, dressed for the day and is well-groomed, every day. Regardless of whether or not anyone is leaving the house, it’s important to dress for each other at home, like the people at home matter, and we want to be on our best for each other. Do something physically active together every day. Make beanbags using old socks and beans or rice, then play games with homemade targets, or just play catch. Play freeze-tag. Play in the water hose on a sunny day. Walk outside. Play hopscotch. Do something; anything together to get some exercise together. Prioritize this and make it fun. Identify your values and beliefs (if you haven’t), and share them with your children. Discuss these together in small doses, daily. Make this a pleasant time together, and part of a daily routine. Spending time together while everyone writes in his/her personal journal is a good way to wind down together in the evenings before bedtime. This is also a time to identify and to develop similarities and common interests in family members; both of which are linked to success in long-term relationships (Todosijevic, Rothblum, & Solomon, 2005). When we’re familiar with the stable, peaceful routine, we feel safe at home. Home can and should be the place we’re accepted as our unique selves, where we feel wanted and loved. Be well.