Rememering Heather

Originally written February 2020 In the aftermath of violence, individuals and all of society must face the challenge of coping with recollections of it; sometimes, even the recollections of the atrocities of war. When to speak, what to speak and to whom, when to remain silent; these are questions that stir deep in the heart of any survivor of abuse, in wartime or not. This year marks 75 years since the liberation of the Auschwitz concentration camps in Nazi occupied Poland. Perhaps to keep memory alive and certainly to discourage us from repeating the mistakes of the past, much is said and done to honor the memories of those who survived and those who didn’t survive the Holocaust. Hence, our Blanco high school students are preparing to stage “The Diary of Anne Frank,” for one act UIL competition, upcoming. The processes of our remembering and forgetting histories of violence are part of the natural human coping mechanisms and affect rehabilitation efforts. Memory is at the core of PTDS (post-traumatic stress disorder) treatment. How we tell our history to ourselves affects the way we feel about what happened. If we don’t know how to tell it painlessly, sometimes we don’t tell it at all. Historically, if there were sorrows in the family from “back in the day,” it was left there. Parents didn’t want to bring their shame or sorrow to bear upon the younger generation. The shadowy family history stories were often left untold. However, post-conflict memory is inextricably embedded in how we relate to each other and simply not telling history doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and that we are not affected by it. Parents with PTDS parent differently because of past trauma. Kids feel it and are affected whether they are helped to understand or not. Speak out or remain silent; history will tell itself, either way. The personal negotiation of speech and silence varies with the individual whose life has been touched by abuse or war. If you’re entrusted with someone’s personal history of sorrow born of violence, be a friend who listens and doesn’t judge. Recognize that someone living life post trauma may feel isolated, may have heightened emotional responses, and negative self-perception. Understand the need for silence, at times, because “He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.” (Elbert Hubbard). Respect that some survivors may feel more comfortable in the shadows than in the spotlight. Some survivors do want to tell their histories, though. Children of the Holocaust: Conversations With Sons and Daughters of Survivors (1979) and The Long Half-Lives of Love and Trauma (2018), both by Helen Epstein can help you better understand the generational effects of war; specifically, the Holocaust. Be well.