Rememering Heather

Ramona and Sport; those two were my bullies when I was in fourth grade. On the way home from school, one afternoon, Ramona hit me in the stomach, after asking Sport if she should. He answered, “Yeah! Hit her!” She didn’t ask me if I wanted to be hit. I didn’t. Yet (though I knew it was coming), I just stood there and let her do it, not once, but twice. I guess it was a little anticlimactic for them, because we all stood there for several moments in silence afterward. Then, those two nine-year-old children walked away. That’s what I did, too. I walked the rest of the way home, crying. It wasn’t usual for my mother to be home after school, but she was on that day. She asked what was wrong (red, puffy eyes gave me away). I told her mostly the truth about what had happened with Ramona and Sport. Everything in my report was true except one thing: I told her Sport had held my arms behind me while Ramona hit me. I was ashamed that I had allowed myself to be hit, without having done anything to try to stop it. I hadn’t tried to run. There was no effort to block her blows or even step to one side. I didn’t flinch. I stood there like a sandbag; a punching bag. The reasons I “let it happen” stopped mattering a long time ago. How could two children be so seemingly void of compassion? Knowing the answer to that question won’t change my personal history. History isn’t always accurately reported, hence recorded (and not just among children). Also, nonviolent people sometimes allow violent offenders to affront, without consequence (again; not just among children). These two truths demonstrated in my personal experience are part of my history. They are truths demonstrated in our collective experience and are becoming part of our collective history, even as you read these words. How many times can someone be hit before falling? Having the ‘wind knocked out of you’ feels terrible, even frightening. You might’ve experienced a blow to the solar plexus, at some point. It’s one of the most common injuries to the abdomen. The momentary paralysis of the diaphragm usually passes in a relatively short period of time, but a severe blow, or multiple blows (hard enough blows, or blows to an already compromised abdomen), can cause a number of injuries which could be potentially life-threatening. “How much will it take?” is answered too late. My mother died before I confessed my truth. I’m sad about that. Truth matters. Bravely speak truth while there’s still time, and while there are others who may hear it. Be well.