Gaslighting Truth

In 1944, Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman starred in “Gaslight;” the story of a young woman so terribly manipulated by her husband, that she came to believe she was going insane. In the story, based on Patrick Hamilton’s 1938 stage play, the sociopathic (or ASPD) husband convinces his wife she is imagining things that are in fact very real, even convincing her that the random dimming and brightening of gas lights in the house are imagined (when he is causing it, and knows it is happening). The film was critically acclaimed and very successful. By the 1960’s and into the 70’s, the term “gaslighting” came into use to described the type of psychological abuse in which the victim is gradually manipulated into doubting his or her own sanity, as was the case in the movie. Gaslighting happens in cases of individual relationships as well as on a societal level. Individual leaders and entire groups of associated people engage in gaslighting masses of people. When two or more forces are vying for power, it can be difficult to discern which (if either), is attempting to sway opinion through gaslighting. The signs someone is gaslighting include: Blatant lies; denial of the truth, even in the face of evidence; the use of emotions as ammunition; a pattern of slow and gradual manipulation, over time (think of the old ‘frog in the frying pan’ story); the actions of the gaslighting person don’t match his/her words; there will be some positive reinforcements from time to time (sometimes very high compliments, other times put-downs); there’s the creation of confusion and instability. One of the insidious tactics of gaslighting is having the dirty deeds of the abuser projected on to you. For instance, s/he is dishonest and s/he accuses you of being a liar. Projecting his/her own dirty deeds onto the target of the manipulation is a red flag that is usually pretty easy to spot. Gaslighting involves an effort to align people against the abused, creating a feeling of isolation. The abuser may even tell you or tell others that you are crazy in an attempt to discredit you. There’s an attempt to convince you that you can’t trust anyone but the abuser. Honesty cannot be overstated in importance when it comes to relationships and personal characteristics. “Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom” (Thomas Jefferson). It’s important to be wise in your relationships; your parent-child relationships, peer relationships, marriage relationships and government-governed relationships. Although you cannot create honesty in anyone else (even in your children), you can model it. Let truth be a guiding principle in your life. Dishonesty is at the root of gaslighting. Peace is born of truth. Be well.

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