What Really Matters, According to Me

Two of my adult sons are first responders. The older brother is a police officer, the younger brother; a firefighter. Often, they tease each other and engage in mocking a rivalry between those two divisions of public safety. It’s hard to say when I’ve been with them that they didn’t rib each other. They are four years and one day apart in age, so we’ve celebrated birthdays together for a long time. This year’s birthday celebration was special. Both men enjoy working with their hands and, without knowing what the other was crafting, each made for the other a wooden replica of the flag of the United States of America. The firefighter gave his cop brother a flag with a single blue line running with the stripes. The police officer gave his little brother a very similarly made flag with a single red line (One of them is slightly larger, and has hidden compartments). It was very special to see them express their love and support for each other; each gifting the other with what will become, ...

When you live ten minutes down a dirt road and 20 minutes from town, it can be a big deal when you forget something at home, and she did; my 20-year-old forgot her wallet. She had taken her little brother and sisters to town and realized, as she pulled into the parking lot of Lowe’s, that she didn’t have it with her. She called to ask if I would bring it toward her and meet her at the mailboxes (about half way to town), and I said I would. She was waiting when I arrived. I pulled up so that our driver-side windows were aligned and reached out the window with a wallet. She took it and immediately smiled and said, “Oh, no!” Then, she laughed. She didn’t just giggle; she really laughed. It was that contagious sort of belly laughter, and I couldn’t help but smile. She said, “That’s the wrong wallet.” I had given her an abandoned, empty wallet (just to be ornery). I quickly handed her a second wallet; the one she had forgotten, and she laughed even harder. I laughed, too. As I pulled away ...

Ramona and Sport; those two were my bullies when I was in fourth grade. On the way home from school, one afternoon, Ramona hit me in the stomach, after asking Sport if she should. He answered, “Yeah! Hit her!” She didn’t ask me if I wanted to be hit. I didn’t. Yet (though I knew it was coming), I just stood there and let her do it, not once, but twice. I guess it was a little anticlimactic for them, because we all stood there for several moments in silence afterward. Then, those two nine-year-old children walked away. That’s what I did, too. I walked the rest of the way home, crying. It wasn’t usual for my mother to be home after school, but she was on that day. She asked what was wrong (red, puffy eyes gave me away). I told her mostly the truth about what had happened with Ramona and Sport. Everything in my report was true except one thing: I told her Sport had held my arms behind me while Ramona hit me. I was ashamed that I had allowed myself to be hit, without having done anything t...

My young adult daughter is a submariner in the United States Navy. While she’s not out to sea, she’s been busy working on base, and using her personal time to learn new things. As she described a new hobby (not ‘skate-boarding,’ but ‘long-boarding;’ there is a difference, you see?), she said, “Mostly, I’ve been skating in circles, trying to get my balance figured out.” I told her to look around. She’ll find that most of the world is right there with her. So much of life is finding balance as we develop and learn new things. We strive to balance family responsibilities with work, school, friendships, church or civic duties, and other interests, and just when it seems everything is going along pretty well; a microscopic virus comes along and throws us off. One dear friend confided, “It feels like the whole world is off balance and falling apart.” This is a good time to remember that feelings come from thoughts. Thoughts come from words. Wisely choosing the words to which you hearken is...

I was so very happy to have a healthy little girl when Heather arrived. My first child was born with cerebral palsy and it seemed nothing was more important than for this second child to be strong and ‘normal.’ She really was. Four weeks later, on September 9th, she was gone; Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). When Heather died, suddenly, CP didn’t seem like such a difficult thing. My perspective changed dramatically; immediately. In the 30 years since that experience, I’ve retold it countless times; sometimes with more detail, sometimes not. I’ve heard tender words of sympathy in countless more combinations. The waves of pain and sorrow have lost the power they once had, when I remember her. It was nearly unbearable for many years, but I can finally share my experience without breaking into uncontrollable tears. Time gives that increased self-control to us because it takes something else from us, in a way. What remains, once the sting subsides, is the strength from growth. Part of...

When she was 50 years old, one of my workout buddies underwent a total hip replacement. Within 9 months, she was competing in a 5k run. “Competing” and “run” don’t mean what you might think, though. Her running was more often like walking for many of the other participants in the event, and her competition wasn’t with the others (some half her age, who hadn’t had a hip replacement less than a year ago), it was with herself. She’s faster than I am, but I can go at a steady pace for a very long time, without having to stop (I haven’t had a hip replacement, either). If we ever became competitive toward each other, we likely wouldn’t enjoy our workout in the same way. When there’s competition with another person, after all, someone wins and someone loses. Kim and I only compete against ourselves. Hence, we both feel like winners. Continuing effort over time makes for winners. It is deliberate pursuit of excellence over the course of a lifetime that is success. There will certainly be vario...

Mr. Blackburn installed a portable staircase against a natural rock wall to ease our access to a lower section of the property and it works like a charm. The only problem is, he hasn’t attached it to the rock, yet. It wobbles a bit as you ascend and descend. We trust it though, because of how it’s situated (and we’ve used it enough to know it’s safe). At the top, there’s a lip, to make sure nothing slides off the front of the small platform (I guess), and a few times, as I’ve stepped from the ladder to the top of the bluff, my toe has caught the edge of it. With the whole ladder wobbling and my stumbling as I step off the thing, you can imagine I’ve had a heart-pounding experience, here and there. It is this final step that causes so many of us fear; afraid we can’t go the distance or can’t hold on, once we’ve begun to take action and to change. It’s one thing to “go on a diet,” but it’s another thing to live the rest of your life “on a diet.” We might get a jump start to strength by ...