What Really Matters, According to Me

Two of my adult sons are first responders. The older brother is a police officer, the younger brother; a firefighter. Often, they tease each other and engage in mocking a rivalry between those two divisions of public safety. It’s hard to say when I’ve been with them that they didn’t rib each other. They are four years and one day apart in age, so we’ve celebrated birthdays together for a long time. This year’s birthday celebration was special. Both men enjoy working with their hands and, without knowing what the other was crafting, each made for the other a wooden replica of the flag of the United States of America. The firefighter gave his cop brother a flag with a single blue line running with the stripes. The police officer gave his little brother a very similarly made flag with a single red line (One of them is slightly larger, and has hidden compartments). It was very special to see them express their love and support for each other; each gifting the other with what will become, ...

When you live ten minutes down a dirt road and 20 minutes from town, it can be a big deal when you forget something at home, and she did; my 20-year-old forgot her wallet. She had taken her little brother and sisters to town and realized, as she pulled into the parking lot of Lowe’s, that she didn’t have it with her. She called to ask if I would bring it toward her and meet her at the mailboxes (about half way to town), and I said I would. She was waiting when I arrived. I pulled up so that our driver-side windows were aligned and reached out the window with a wallet. She took it and immediately smiled and said, “Oh, no!” Then, she laughed. She didn’t just giggle; she really laughed. It was that contagious sort of belly laughter, and I couldn’t help but smile. She said, “That’s the wrong wallet.” I had given her an abandoned, empty wallet (just to be ornery). I quickly handed her a second wallet; the one she had forgotten, and she laughed even harder. I laughed, too. As I pulled away ...

Ramona and Sport; those two were my bullies when I was in fourth grade. On the way home from school, one afternoon, Ramona hit me in the stomach, after asking Sport if she should. He answered, “Yeah! Hit her!” She didn’t ask me if I wanted to be hit. I didn’t. Yet (though I knew it was coming), I just stood there and let her do it, not once, but twice. I guess it was a little anticlimactic for them, because we all stood there for several moments in silence afterward. Then, those two nine-year-old children walked away. That’s what I did, too. I walked the rest of the way home, crying. It wasn’t usual for my mother to be home after school, but she was on that day. She asked what was wrong (red, puffy eyes gave me away). I told her mostly the truth about what had happened with Ramona and Sport. Everything in my report was true except one thing: I told her Sport had held my arms behind me while Ramona hit me. I was ashamed that I had allowed myself to be hit, without having done anything t...

My young adult daughter is a submariner in the United States Navy. While she’s not out to sea, she’s been busy working on base, and using her personal time to learn new things. As she described a new hobby (not ‘skate-boarding,’ but ‘long-boarding;’ there is a difference, you see?), she said, “Mostly, I’ve been skating in circles, trying to get my balance figured out.” I told her to look around. She’ll find that most of the world is right there with her. So much of life is finding balance as we develop and learn new things. We strive to balance family responsibilities with work, school, friendships, church or civic duties, and other interests, and just when it seems everything is going along pretty well; a microscopic virus comes along and throws us off. One dear friend confided, “It feels like the whole world is off balance and falling apart.” This is a good time to remember that feelings come from thoughts. Thoughts come from words. Wisely choosing the words to which you hearken is...

I was so very happy to have a healthy little girl when Heather arrived. My first child was born with cerebral palsy and it seemed nothing was more important than for this second child to be strong and ‘normal.’ She really was. Four weeks later, on September 9th, she was gone; Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). When Heather died, suddenly, CP didn’t seem like such a difficult thing. My perspective changed dramatically; immediately. In the 30 years since that experience, I’ve retold it countless times; sometimes with more detail, sometimes not. I’ve heard tender words of sympathy in countless more combinations. The waves of pain and sorrow have lost the power they once had, when I remember her. It was nearly unbearable for many years, but I can finally share my experience without breaking into uncontrollable tears. Time gives that increased self-control to us because it takes something else from us, in a way. What remains, once the sting subsides, is the strength from growth. Part of...

When she was 50 years old, one of my workout buddies underwent a total hip replacement. Within 9 months, she was competing in a 5k run. “Competing” and “run” don’t mean what you might think, though. Her running was more often like walking for many of the other participants in the event, and her competition wasn’t with the others (some half her age, who hadn’t had a hip replacement less than a year ago), it was with herself. She’s faster than I am, but I can go at a steady pace for a very long time, without having to stop (I haven’t had a hip replacement, either). If we ever became competitive toward each other, we likely wouldn’t enjoy our workout in the same way. When there’s competition with another person, after all, someone wins and someone loses. Kim and I only compete against ourselves. Hence, we both feel like winners. Continuing effort over time makes for winners. It is deliberate pursuit of excellence over the course of a lifetime that is success. There will certainly be vario...

Mr. Blackburn installed a portable staircase against a natural rock wall to ease our access to a lower section of the property and it works like a charm. The only problem is, he hasn’t attached it to the rock, yet. It wobbles a bit as you ascend and descend. We trust it though, because of how it’s situated (and we’ve used it enough to know it’s safe). At the top, there’s a lip, to make sure nothing slides off the front of the small platform (I guess), and a few times, as I’ve stepped from the ladder to the top of the bluff, my toe has caught the edge of it. With the whole ladder wobbling and my stumbling as I step off the thing, you can imagine I’ve had a heart-pounding experience, here and there. It is this final step that causes so many of us fear; afraid we can’t go the distance or can’t hold on, once we’ve begun to take action and to change. It’s one thing to “go on a diet,” but it’s another thing to live the rest of your life “on a diet.” We might get a jump start to strength by ...

It was my son’s 33rd birthday. We weren’t allowed to touch him, but we did gather outside the nursing home to sing and tell him we love him. I spent a lot of time and put quite a bit of effort into his special cake. I make the same cake for him every year; usually a massive, triple layered cake, big enough to share with all of the residents and staff. This year, I made one only for him. It was still layered and decorated in fancy fashion, but very small. I hoped it would make him feel special; loved. As we approached the facility as a group (“little” brothers, their wives and babies, little sisters and parents), I dropped that birthday cake. It slid right off my hand, flipped over and landed top down on the asphalt. I won’t go into how I felt in that moment, or how the ‘celebration’ was affected. We carried on… The fourth step in the change process is to take action. The thinking, the planning, the learning; all of the first steps done, the time comes when you have to get up and do som...

Once you have assessed yourself honestly and have accepted where you are in this moment, and once you have turned yourself toward a healthier path, you’re ready for step three in the process of change. Don’t be surprised if it seems there’s a chasm between where you want to be and where you are right now. It may feel as if you’re standing on one side of a river, looking at the place you want to be, which is far on the other side, but no bridge seems to be found. When the thought enters, “I don’t know how to build this bridge,” it can be easy for seeds of doubt to creep in. You may question your ability to reach your goal. If you feel this little speedbump on your journey, take courage! It’s all a normal part of the process, as you change; as you grow. It is precisely the search to find or build your bridge that leads to your search for the blueprints and the materials needed to get you where you want to go. Your gathering of information and materials (maybe some good shoes, a water b...

We can’t change where we came from or where we are in this moment, but we certainly can change where we’re headed. We can change tomorrow by changing the path we walk today. When you recognize an unhealthy pathway for what it is, it’s time to make a course adjustment. Whether you’re on a path toward COPD, diabetes or cycling rage, identifying your particular pathology is necessary to develop an alternate route. The idea of ‘triggers’ has become popular, in recent years. For example: My sister (who is a sober alcoholic), doesn’t spend time in bars or taverns, because she feels a stronger desire to consume alcohol in such places. She doesn’t drop in to the liquor store to pick up something for someone else, either. Frankly, she doesn’t date someone who drinks alcohol, because she knows she is stronger when she avoids her triggers which include being around people consuming alcohol, or being where alcohol consumption is a large part of the activity. Learning our thought processes that le...

After weeks of wondering what might become of familiar school routines, my kids were excited to learn the summer workout program, led by the BISD coaching staff, would happen (with COVID-19 appropriate safety modifications in place). Although relatively active at home, they understand how quickly a body can get out of shape. It’s normal to feel some discomfort when growth is happening, and that’s a good thing. It reminds us that, if we don’t fuel and exercise it properly (which includes exercising regularly), a body can become weak and prone to illness. Some bodies (due to genetics, accidents, disease or age), are more susceptible to illness and injury than average, and special care must be taken to maintain balance and strength, if that’s you. This is true with regard to the metaphysical body as well. Some of us are more susceptible to sadness, fear or anger. For reasons that may be related to genetics, accidents, disease or aging, some of us are prone to illness or injury by way of ...

"We become what we think about;” a phrase often used by Earl Nightingale, but he isn’t the first person to teach that age-old truth. We don’t have to look far to have plenty of help thinking about rage, violence and fear. I’ve heard it lamented that generations of visualizing such things has contributed to what we’re seeing in the world. We have enough of what’s happening in some places of our real world. Visualizing a better place is a powerful exercise to help relax the mind and improve physical wellbeing. Beginning the practice of visualizing safe and beautiful places, at any age, leads to seeing the world, and building the world (within our sphere of influence), in a positive way. Consider the power of visualization; the data resulting from decades of social science studies and observations overwhelmingly supports the fact that violent visual influences (television and real-life experiences), in the lives of children, affect behavior and development of values, thinking patt...

We spend a couple of hours together, as a family, most evenings; sitting together in the little family room in the cabin, we share time and conversation. We color in coloring books with crayons and colored pencils and we each write in our journals while listening to select, special music and the spoken word. We read together and pray together. It’s part of our family routine. Even without a ‘family,’ though, such activities are uplifting, calming and encouraging. If you haven’t already begun a personal journal, I strongly encourage you to begin. There are countless benefits associated with journaling. If you’re struggle to know where to start (as I’ve heard said many times, “I don’t know what to write”), here are a few ideas, to get the ball rolling: Identify one weakness in yourself, then write about how that weakness might be viewed as a strength. Identify the worst time in your life and write about how you felt when you were there. Write about how it has affected you, going forwar...

Before I left for the weekend, I wrote a message on the dry erase board in the activities room: “Don’t wait for someone to open his heart to you. Open your heart first.” This applies to many modes of human connection, even to the message I shared in last week’s Fit Tip about Skin Hunger. Yes. We all need to be touched. We need to feel connected to others. When we realize the power we hold in our own hands, we begin to see how we can be effective minsters to not only others, but to ourselves, as well. When our physical contact with each other is limited (as it is now, with social distancing), those of us who live alone and have limited human contact, can use self-compassion to help ease the effects of isolation. Very simply, by gently placing your open hands on your face, with eyes closed for a few moments, you can reap the benefits of human touch. With each breath, focus your thoughts on one uplifting, positive energy word, such as “peace” as you cradle your face in your own hands. Q...

Said the Italian sculptor, painter, architect and poet, Michelangelo: “To touch is to give life.” It’s been hard to refrain from touching people at work and in public. In the interest of preserving life we’ve taken necessarily drastic steps, and by so doing, some say, have decreased its quality. My oldest son has cerebral palsy and lives in a nearby nursing home facility. He’s suffering (alongside countless others), the effects of decreased human connection and it’s taking a toll on his already fragile emotional health. He feels on edge and is easily upset. He feels lonely and hopeless, at times. While many of us on the “outside” (as he calls it), are able to “come and go as we please,” and “sit beside each other when we watch TV or any other time we want to,” he feels alone inside what he has come to see as a “prison,” and sees no end in sight. He feels anxious, depressed, he isn’t sleeping well and says he’s decided “it’s better to just not care about anything.” All are textbook asso...

I was reminded today how big hills are easier to top when you’re fresh. We’ve enjoyed bicycling more often during recent weeks. When first getting into cycling (or returning), it’s wise to refresh the basic tips for more effective and safer riding. First thing: Wear a properly fitting helmet. We all know the whys and don’t need to be told how dangerous it is to ride without one. Even if there’s no law requiring a cyclist to wear a helmet, knowing that more than half of all bicycling related deaths in the US each year are due to head injuries will encourage you to wear one and make sure your kids do, too. Another safety tip is this: don’t wear headphones while you bicycle. Listen to what’s going on; not only the sounds of nature, but be aware of approaching vehicles. Cycling is more dangerous when you cannot hear what’s going on around you. Like walking (you may remember me telling you to walk at 100 steps per minute), cycling for strength, endurance and overall fitness should be don...

We were looking for a quiet spot to record audition tapes for Beauty and the Beast (the upcoming high school musical this fall), but nowhere on this little farm seems to be silent for very long. There are birds in the trees and birds in the yard, including a couple of silly roosters who don’t know when to be quiet and a couple of cats who think they belong wherever the chickens are. There’s a Catahoula who loves to talk and sing. With cattle lowing, the ensemble seems complete, as if the whole outdoors wants to be heard. As the nighttime approaches, the frogs along the creek speak to each other and soon the crickets join in. If we stay up long enough, we hear the cayotes calling in the distance and whippoorwill songs that ring around Sleepy Hollow at night. The sounds of nature are well known to be associated with increased feelings of health and wellbeing. Recordings of nature sounds are popular in the offices of certain types of medical care providers and are increasing in popularity...

The last time I was able to visit my son in his room at the nursing home facility where he lives (before the COVID-19 lockdown became a thing), we watched part of an episode of a situation comedy from the mid 90’s. He laughed at something one of the characters said or did, and at the same time I said, “How rude and terrible!” He assured me “This is hilariously funny.” I disagreed. As I left his room, I felt uptight and wondered why some people find such behavior to be funny. It’s certainly not funny when someone in your home behaves that way. Two of us watched the same program, and only one of us laughed. The other felt slightly fearful. Why? A reasonable answer is found in the research of Peter McGraw and Joel Warner, a couple of modern philosophers, some say; a professor-behavioral economist and a journalist turned scientist, they say. These two investigators have developed a widely accepted theory as to why we find some things funny. Their “Benign Violation Theory” basically sta...

This time away from life as we’ve known it has offered some unexpected gifts. Among them is an increased opportunity to practice living at home with those we love; with those to whom we have made commitments and promises. During our precious moments at home, let’s grow, living after the manner of happiness and peace; making mindfulness meditation a matter of family practice. In addition to making phone calls to loved ones, making an increased effort to exercise our bodies, cutting down on how much news we consume and performing acts of kindness for other people, take time to sit quietly together, and breathe. Even children can learn to sit quietly and focus on breathing (begin with one minute per year of age, in a peaceful, pleasant way, not in the spirit of “timeout”). Such focused attention is one thing I practice. It’s popularly called mindfulness or mindfulness meditation. Call it what you will, such practice of deliberate focused attention on the moment is associated with countle...

“I know I’m dying. It’s strange; I feel as though I’m in a holding pattern, but I can’t tell if I’m waiting to land or waiting to take off.” These were among the last sentiments from a meaningful conversation between my respected friend and me. When I asked if she was afraid, she answered “Yes. If I’m being honest.” We can empathize to some degree, lately. We’re in a holding pattern; waiting and wondering how long? How long until normal? Will normal be the same when it arrives? Some have been very afraid. Most of us, though, aren’t facing death due to COVID-19. Heartbreakingly, some of us have lost loved ones due to the current pandemic. There have been 18,260 deaths at the time of this writing (WHO and CDC data). Equally heartbreaking are the losses due to countless other causes. Truly, every single one of us has or will lose loved ones, and we will all leave loved ones behind when we leave this life, soon or late. Personal perspective on these facts determines our feelings. The feel...

My little college girl is home from fifteen hundred miles away and we’re glad to have her, even under the strange circumstances in which we all find ourselves. We haven’t had some of the difficulties many families experience when college students come home for extended periods of time. She’s doing well working to assimilate into the daily home life, here. We haven’t had any tension, yet, but in close quarters (as are many families), we likely will. Even so, I hope she feels safe, accepted, wanted and loved, like she always has. When there’s tension at home, because a young adult is back in the nest, or simply because we’re feeling crowded in the nest (at the moment), there are a few tips we can all use to make our closer time together more pleasant. First, remember to speak in kindly toned voices; speak softly, speak slowly and speak with a pleasant expression on your face, if you ever begin to feel uptight. This is important when it comes to communication that matters. Second, reme...

This historic time has been difficult for some of us. Becoming versed in the definitions of pandemic, quarantine, isolation and social-distancing, our collective experience with COVID-19 has offered an opportunity for us to discover much inner strength and some of our weaknesses. We’re generally aware of those among us who are more medically fragile. However, we might’ve not been aware, until social distancing, who among us are emotionally fragile. Perhaps we didn’t know our own fragility. During these last few weeks, maybe we’ve seen an increase in problems with our sleeping patterns. Sleeping more than usual or not being able to sleep well enough are symptoms of possible anxiety and or depression. We know many of the symptoms: weight gain or loss, headaches, stomachaches, loose or slow bowels, chronic pain (backaches, etc.). Maybe we’re experiencing flaring tempers or increase in obsessive or compulsive behaviors. In other circumstances, something like compulsive handwashing might ...

One of my brothers in law was outside (more than 6’ away from Mr. Blackburn), yesterday, to help graft buds onto some of the fruit trees in our little orchard. He said it was nice seeing the rich, fertile soil, freshly tilled and planted. It made him a little nostalgic, as he remembered what life was like growing up on this little farm back when its fields yielded more than enough fresh produce for the Blackburn Family. The surplus was taken to town, and was sold door to door by their mother, Maxine, who ran a local produce route. The family farm has become mostly memories in the aging generation of children who grew up in agriculturally rooted families in this area. Most modern families stopped worrying much about having a family garden even before we stopped worrying about sharing an evening meal around the table at home. Americans reportedly eat away from home about six times during the average week (zagat.com 2018 data). Now that this practice has been challenged (we all know how ...

It’s the struggle that makes you strong, I say. This is true physically and in every other way. Though we’re sharing a societal challenge to maintain social distancing (and sharing countless other opportunities to grow afforded by this new coronavirus), it’s not the struggle to become comfortable in isolation I’d like to address this week. It’s the challenge to stay active in isolation. You don’t need an open gym or a home gym to get and stay fit. The same planning method used in most CrossFit® gyms will work just as well at home, namely a dry erase board (or a scratch sheet of paper), with a daily workout, or WOD (workout of the day). You can call your kitchen or family room your home gym. On a pleasant day, you can make your back yard a workout space. Push-ups, sit to stands, air squats, jumping jacks, burpees, single-leg squats, sit-ups and running in place can all be done in a very small space. Dancing to your favorite music for half an hour every day, including some good old body...

Every once in a while, something comes a long and reminds us of what we knew. For instance, it’s important to wash your hands before supper. It’s important to wash them before any meal, before touching your face, after using the toilet…and anytime you think about it. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), “Teaching people about handwashing in the community: Reduces the number of people who get sick with diarrhea by 23-40%; Reduces diarrheal illness in people with weakened immune systems by 58%; Reduces respiratory illnesses, like colds, in the general population by 16-21%; and Reduces absenteeism due to gastrointestinal illness in schoolchildren by 29-57%. There isn’t any data regarding how effective handwashing is in the specific prevention of COVID-19, but it’s wise to be clean, generally speaking. Handwashing with soap is more effective in removing germs from hands when compared to using water alone. Most of us don’t live where soap is a luxury, so let’s...

There was something reminiscent of a scary movie I once saw as a child as my compass wobbled and spun. With mountains on every side, I simply wanted to locate North, but my crazy smart phone wouldn’t tell me which way was up. Mr. Blackburn gave me some reasonable explanation as to why the compass application in my iPhone® wouldn’t work inside the car. I relaxed a bit. We got home safely, but the whole thing left me questioning just how much I can trust my compass… We all have an inner compass. We trust it to tell us when we’re headed the right way. If we feel lost or uncertain we’re travelling in the right direction, we look to our compass for guidance. As I experienced (literally), a compass isn’t always trustworthy. When this happens, it seems like the same scenes come around again and again. Like driving on the Main Plaza traffic circle in New Braunfels, it’s one big loop. No matter our intent to get off the roundabout, we find ourselves in the same place, every time we look up. Wh...

The rest of the meet was very difficult, after that first running event. She ran as hard and as fast as she could, but with each step, her chest seemed to tighten and close while her fear grew. She hadn’t taken her albuterol inhaler before she started the race. By the time she was done, her chest hurt, she couldn’t breathe, she had a pounding headache and a feeling of panic. My girl was reminded her asthma will not be ignored nor forgotten. It demands her attention and it will be heard. Growing up with asthma is hard, and sometimes can lead to disappointments for a young athletic competitor, but no athlete needs to feel defeated by it, and there are some helpful tips to make living with asthma a little easier. First, the very good news is that a beta-agonist bronchodilator (like the albuterol in my girl’s rescue inhaler), is effective in most people with exercise-induced asthma. If taken before the exercise, it usually works as a preventative therapy. Second, if you remain fit and e...

In one of three containers on a shelf near a window are two lemon trees, each about half an inch tall. When I planted the fifteen little seeds, I imagined gifting small lemon trees to my adult children hoping they’ll remember how I love them when they smell the sweet blossoms in bloom, as I remember my dear friend who gifted the mother tree to me. I sentimentalized mental images of my grandchildren squeezing lemons to make lemonade, knowing Gigi and Grandpa gave them the tree from which their little hands plucked the juicy, ripe fruit. It’s a long stretch between tucking a little seed into a pot and gifting even a small, potted, albeit well-established tree, ready to blossom and bear fruit. Many factors come into play and will determine the success of my project. Like anything, it involves desire, action, instrumentality and patience to change a lemon and some dirt into what I envision. I want. I’ve acted. I have good seeds and soil. It’s time and endurance I need now. Whether chang...

Originally written Febraury 2020 Many of us enjoyed receiving and giving special attention last week (we especially enjoyed the roses and chocolate covered strawberries that were delivered by the most handsome cowboy ever!). Although there are dozens of love-related holidays on the national calendar, it seems Valentine’s Day gets most of the glory, so you might’ve not known that February 13th was National Love Yourself Day. Like we counsel young lovers to treat every day as if it’s Valentine’s Day, allow me to suggest some ways we can treat every day like it’s Love Yourself Day, as well. The first step in any training program is to evaluation your current condition, so evaluate how you treat yourself. Do you badger or kick yourself when you’re down (in a way that seems to come so naturally to many of us)? Or, do you show yourself the same understanding and compassion you’d show a friend when s/he faces a mistake or failure? If you’re hard on yourself when you’re down, you can improve ...

Originally written February 2020 In the aftermath of violence, individuals and all of society must face the challenge of coping with recollections of it; sometimes, even the recollections of the atrocities of war. When to speak, what to speak and to whom, when to remain silent; these are questions that stir deep in the heart of any survivor of abuse, in wartime or not. This year marks 75 years since the liberation of the Auschwitz concentration camps in Nazi occupied Poland. Perhaps to keep memory alive and certainly to discourage us from repeating the mistakes of the past, much is said and done to honor the memories of those who survived and those who didn’t survive the Holocaust. Hence, our Blanco high school students are preparing to stage “The Diary of Anne Frank,” for one act UIL competition, upcoming. The processes of our remembering and forgetting histories of violence are part of the natural human coping mechanisms and affect rehabilitation efforts. Memory is at the core of ...

Someone asked how I teach my children truth. It’s simple: just show and tell. I’d say show and tell is the best way to teach anything to anyone. Sometimes, the tell part comes first, then the showing, but the most important life lessons are learned from examples set, long before we have words to tell what we’ve been learning all along… One of our girls is involved in competitive weightlifting. Her personal trainer is experienced and has been a successful competitor in powerlifting, himself. Because of this, she trusts his judgement and tries to follow his counsel. She has witnessed him lifting very heavy weights in the same manner as he tries to encourage her, and she puts forth increased effort when he yells, “Don’t you drop that bar once you get your hands on it! You got this! If you drop that bar…” I won’t finish the quote. Suffice it to say, she interprets his message to mean he knows she can do more than she is afraid she can’t. She has found out he’s right. She believes in him, s...

You’ve heard of the law of the harvest. It is that we reap what we sow. In practice, if you exercise your body and mind, and if you eat healthy, you’ll be healthier. You’ve sown seeds of strength and wellness, so you justly expect to harvest strength and wellness. Sow and reap; that’s fair. It’s reasonable to expect you’ll harvest apples some day if you plant an apple tree. But sometimes a storm blows a tree right out of the ground. Sometimes, a sneaky little porcupine will come along in the night and eat the bark off the trunk of your tree, all the way around (like happened to our trees). It doesn’t seem fair, but we won’t be getting apples off those trees that fed the porcupine. There will always be storms and porcupines. There’ll be college students who never reach their educational goals due to illness, injury, accident or even sometimes death. Divorce will happen to people who don’t want it and tried to avoid it. Some chain-smoking alcoholics will live long lives with never a ca...

One of my middle-schoolers was chatting about the happenings of the day last week and shared something one of the teachers said during class. The gist of it was a prediction that, if the USA goes to war with Iran, we will lose because Iran is allied with Russia. Whether or not that is a probability, and whether or not it’s appropriate for a middle school classroom teacher to say such a thing, the result for my kid was fear. His sister is active military. He’s worried about her. She’s in a potentially dangerous and even deadly position, and her safety is always at the forefront of the collective family mind, especially now with everything that’s going on in the Middle East. How a child learns to cope with and overcome fear is an important part of development. By the time we reach adulthood, we’ve generally had plenty of opportunities to face fear. The patterns developed from early childhood tend to follow us into teenage and adult years, so it’s important to help kids recognize their f...

My favorite 19-year-old daughter left home once (when she was my favorite 18-year-old daughter), the summer after high school graduation, and went off to Austin to school and work. She came home for part of last year, but left again this week. This time, though, she has gone out of state to a school 1200 miles away; so far away that I can’t take an evening drive to her apartment to spend time together, like before. There will be no more “Mom, can you bring…I forgot it when I left this morning.” She’s so far away that she’s really on her own, but I’m not worried. She’s prepared to compete in college. We hope that by the time the competition begins, we’ve trained well enough to contend for the prize we seek. Sometimes we hope to lift more weight than anyone in our class. Sometimes we hope to run faster than others in our event. Depending on where we started, we might feel like winners when we cross the finish line, even if not first. In the case of my sweet girl, it doesn’t matter if sh...

Originally written New Year 2020 “I just think we say ‘I’m sorry’ too much. You should write about that.” I won’t trouble you with the details of our conversation, last year, only that we didn’t agree and neither one apologized. The beginning of a new year is a good time to take a fresh look at some of our old habits. I encourage you to take a moment to examine yours. Thanks to my friend, I examined my tendency to apologize (though I apologize much less frequently than when I was a younger woman). I still believe “I’m sorry” can be a good way to assuage hurt feelings, and ease tensions, even when I’m not the reason someone is hurting and I’m not a contributor to the tension. I’m among those who believe forgiveness can be encouraged, relationships can begin to repair and hostility can begin to dissolve by one or more of the people present expressing a sincere “I’m sorry.” This isn’t the same as an apology. An apology indicates acknowledgement of responsibility. Saying “I’m sorry” can s...

One of my favorite teenagers recently noted, “Mrs. Blackburn, you turn everything into a life-lesson.” I said, “Thank you, Kade!” I appreciate he sees what I’m trying to teach in those moments: Everything in life can be likened to something else, because everything is part of something else. Seeing the higher purpose of things and the connection of all things brings comfort and joy. Human connection on the emotional level is something we all require. Whether we live alone or in a communal setting; are married with children or are single; whether we are young or old: We are part of global community, full of billions of people who were all born naked. We are one. Remember that. Our physical bodies (in the material world in which we live), are necessary vehicles for the journey we all are experiencing here. Let us not become so distracted with our physicality that we miss the real purpose of life: To have joy. Here’s one example of how I connect: You’ve heard “If you enjoy what you do,...

This was originally written during the Christmas 2019 season: During this special season when the Christian world joyfully celebrates the birth of Jesus of Nazareth, singing “joy to the world, the Lord is come,” the other two thirds of earth’s inhabitants also seek joy. Whether we acknowledge it or not, we need joy and feel bad when it eludes us. Some of the keys to joy are fairly simple and require no church affiliation. Allow me to share one “Merry Christmas” related key with you here. Regarding holiday greetings: There is power in words. Studies have shown that words impact how people change and grow, whether spoken to one another or spoken to oneself. Like a double-edged sword that cuts both ways, both negative and positive words affect the feelings of all who hear or read them. Speaking and reading kind words has proven to be a powerful influence for good. Complaining, sarcasm, negative speech in general and even an increase in the use of personal pronouns (I, me, my), are associa...

A beautiful thing happened recently: Some elementary school-aged children came to visit the residents at the assisted living facility where I work. I was privileged to observe and to help facilitate some of the interactions between the children and residents who chose to participate in the activity that included music and a simple art project. I especially enjoyed the introductions. As I presented one of the ladies to a lovely child at her table, the little girl said, “I already know her. She’s my Nanna.” The woman (Nanna), said, “Yeah. We’re already.” The girl just smiled and continued to do her busy work of coloring a page for Nanna. It didn’t matter that “We’re already,” didn’t seem to be a complete thought. There was no judgement at all. Children are generally accepting of the differences in others, and this little one was very much so. It was a kindness to her nanna, and though she may not recognize it, the time Nanna shared was a kindness to the child. Not just exposure to, but ...

I’ve spent time watching a few movies lately. I’ve walked outside. I’ve prepared special menu items. I’ve travelled extra miles. I’ve sometimes slept fewer hours (sometimes more), and have extended, received and responded to more greetings than usual. The common thread binding all of these is people I love: All of these activities have been shared events, involving family and friends. It’s not the drives into the city that I enjoy, it’s the loving grandchildren and young parents; our adult children and their own growing families. I don’t care so much for handwriting notes and remembering to drop envelopes in the mail, but the sentiments expressed are real and those who open the envelopes I send are people whose feelings I value and to whom my expressions of love are significant. It’s been time well spent. Over these next few weeks, we’ll be particularly aware of how we spend our time. Some moments will be stressful, some very happy and sometimes we’ll feel sad; all normal. For some of ...