What Really Matters, According to Me

It should come as no surprise that being bullied is significantly associated with feelings of anxiety. A bully uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker. We’ve all seen it (does the phrase “Say Uncle,” ring a bell?). Joking aside, simply being around someone who’s a known bully makes us feel uneasy. When it comes to kids who bully, data indicates that those same kids who bully have generally been bullied, too, at school or elsewhere. In reference to his research data relative to 8-year-old children who were bullies and who had also been the victims of bullying, Dr. Andre Sourander said “31% of…children had psychiatric problems that required treatment…the highest rates of depression, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, and substance abuse,” as they grew into adulthood (Andre Sourander, MD, JAMA Psychiatry, December 9, 2015). Sourander isn’t the only expert to warn about the long-term effects of bullying. Over the last couple of decades, more and more research has b...

I thought I’d spend a few hours in the waiting room reading or writing, but I’ve spent most of the time here in conversation with my dear friend, who doesn’t know how to take “I’m really OK, you don’t need to come,” for an answer. It’s not like this is our first go around with spinal surgery, and I told everyone I’m not worried and I don’t want anyone to come wait with me (as if something may go wrong and I’m afraid to be alone…just in case). I guess I need to admit at this point, half way through the projected four-hour procedure (during these few moments I’m alone because Kim has gone for a walk and I don’t intend to leave this waiting room until the surgeon comes out with a report); I see, now, that I’m somewhere between being slightly worried and being in denial (of my fear). I’m thinking that may explain my poor quality of sleep these last several days leading into the surgery, my headaches, my upset stomach and my general bad mood; anxiety. Ugh. Recognizing what’s going on inside...

Have you ever noticed what grows along the water’s edge and in fields when nothing is purposefully planted and land is neglected? We encountered some of that today, here on the farm… The sun was shining on Sleepy Creek. It was a perfect day to tackle some improvements along the bank near the swimming hole. We and our four children (ages 17, 14, 11 and 9), all worked, played and enjoyed the day together, making happy memories on a sunny day in paradise. Not one of us complained about cleaning up as we started out to pick up anything Mother Nature didn’t deposit along the bluff. There were hatchets, machetes, loppers and other tools employed as we removed briars and generally improved the pathways and picnic areas. Each family member had a positive attitude about the whole effort. It was good, this time. It’s not always that way. Sometimes, kids will have a negative attitude about work (or whatever), and we realize it’s part of why they need us, their parents; to teach them a better, hea...

A warm spring day with a clear night forecasted is the perfect time to enjoy a backyard campout by the creek. I don’t know how many times I trekked up and down the forty-feet of elevation (at a forty-five-degree slope), along the path between the campsite and the house, but it was enough feel it the next day. My little boy probably made the trip to the house and back twice as many times as I did and didn’t even recognize he was getting a workout. Ah, the blessings of country living! My good husband grew up in these hills and hallows and reaped the full benefits of being a country boy. He and his brothers were (are still) strong, and work was part of daily life on a truck farm. Nobody knew they were living the life after which a modern method of training is patterned. Loaded movement training basically is an attempt to mimic some of the daily activities of a farmer. Think about it: heavy buckets full of feed down the hill, water-filled buckets or maybe a small animal back up the hill; d...

I try not to ask: “What do ya’ll want for dinner?” Is that strange? Think about this: Until the 1960’s most American kids came to the dinner table and ate what had been prepared by their mother, including vegetables. These days, it’s less common for a stay-at-home parent to prepare dinner at home (let alone using fresh ingredients). It’s no secret that the number of meals actually cooked and served at home has been on the downward trend for decades, and the number of meals eaten away from home has been on the rise. The latest data suggests that the average American eats 4.5 meals away from home each week. What happens when we take our kids along for the eating-out experience? That’s right; they look at the kid’s menu and choose between four or five options (we could go on from here regarding the general low nutritional value of most restaurant foods marketed to kids), then order what they’ve selected; the same as we do. Regularly offering kids a wide variety of menu items is one way w...

It’s not that everything he ever said is worth repeating, but Eldridge Cleaver did offer at least one pearl of wisdom when he said: “You’re either part of the solution, or you’re part of the problem.” We’ve heard that before (maybe even repeated it), and though his declaration was originally linked to the equal rights movement of the previous century, the basic truth in these words strikes a chord with us, even decades later. All truth is timeless, after all. Think about it. Whatever the problem; weight, blood pressure, cavities, debt, global issues, you-name-it, you have power to make a difference. If you choose to do nothing, you are, in effect, a contributor, if not the most causative factor. Strong words? Yes. But, consider where the change takes place. Consider the solution: it is inside of you. In obvious ways, you are the master of your weight, your blood pressure, your oral health, your budget. You are also the master of your perception of everything, including global issues an...

If you work in technology, administration or communications, according to definitions used by the Social Security Administration, you have a sedentary job. You’re among roughly 80% of Americans, according to a recent Bureau of Labor Statistics survey. This could be why about half of American workers blame weight gain on their job or work environment. Whether it’s work or not, most of us will begin to gain about a pound per year, every year, after the age of 25, unless we’re very careful and consistent in our battle against it. If you’re one of the millions of Americans who spends most of the work day behind a desk or behind a wheel, don’t fret. At the risk drawing a little attention to yourself, there are several exercises you can work into your workday. Here are just few ideas: Tighten and release your stomach muscles ten times every hour. When you take a restroom break, sit to stand ten times, using either the toilet or your office chair. Take 5-8lb hand weights to the office and us...

As we said our good-byes, I leaned down and whispered, “I hope you come see me this summer. A girl can always use another Gigi.” She smiled and nodded “yes.” I had wondered, as we drove the four plus hours to the home of a family member for a one-day visit, how far I should stretch in reaching out to the young children I knew would be there this weekend to spend time with a live-in boyfriend; their father. I was uncertain if this would be the first and last time I would meet them, and for a brief moment, I questioned whether or not I should invest too much of myself in trying to relate to them. Although I had already cleared my mind of that ridiculous notion by the time we arrived, the moment I saw those children, my heart was touched by their plight and was drawn out toward them in grandmotherly love. Along with an ever-increasing number of American children, these kids are trying to find their normal somewhere between a part-time home of grandparents and two biological parents who b...

It’s quiet here this afternoon. Some of us are gone out for the day, some are napping and some are silently socializing on the internet. My home is very still in this moment. Stillness is good. All of us need to learn to be still…and breathe. Some of us need to learn how to move and breathe, too. That’s usually a little bit trickier, which is why part of training and learning to move effectively includes training and learning to breathe properly. Let’s talk about breathing. In a nutshell: The diaphragm contracts and expands, causing the chest cavity to increase and decrease in size, which in turn allows for lung expansion and compression. There’s a few other muscles involved, but that’s the basics of breathing, right? Most of us generally take it for granted. (If you are chronically out of breath, and you haven’t already done so, see your doctor.) At the beginning of an exercise program, breathing is probably the most difficult thing to learn and to control. A little bit of exertion, ...

I’m likely one of the few people you know who have children in elementary school, middle school and high school, along with adult children who are newlyweds, who are new parents and parents of many children. (I even have six grandchildren!) I have kids who have graduated at the top of their class and others with learning disabilities. Some of mine have participated in the “gifted and talented” program, and one child with Cerebral Palsy, was serviced by Special Education Services. I’ve been a PTA president, a classroom mom and an overwhelmed, barely engaged mom who hardly signs the daily folder, at varying stages in my career (I always tell people my ongoing career of choice for 30 years has been that of being a mother). I’ve been a stay at home mom trying to stretch a one income budget, and I’ve been a mom who works outside the home. In all of my years sending kids on the bus, driving carpool and dropping my kids at the front doors, near the lockers and at the band hall; never have I b...