What Really Matters, According to Me

It was very easy to say ‘yes.’ Stephen had called to ask if my girls and I would sing a special piece at the funeral for his wife, Alane. At fifty-six years old, Alane died of Alzheimer’s Disease, after having been diagnosed only three years ago. Witnessing the progression of Alzheimer’s in such a young woman has been humbling and, honestly, frightening. The last time my children and I spent time with her, Alane had a seizure that lasted several minutes… More than 5 million Americans are living with Alzheimer's. (alzheimers.net) It’s estimated that approximately 200,000 people have early onset of the disease (meaning symptoms began before the age of 65, like with my friend). There’s speculation and lots of studies ongoing, but to date, scientists don’t know exactly what causes Alzheimer’s Disease. In a few hundred families worldwide, scientists have pinpointed several rare genes that directly cause Alzheimer's, though, and people who inherit these rare genes tend to develop sy...

We proudly celebrate our independence as a nation, and honor those who defend freedom. A nation is only as strong as its individuals united; hence careful exercise of independence is important. There’s an ancient philosophy; “United we stand, divided we fall” (Aesop, 6th century BC, The Four Oxen and the Lion). We see, in all facets of society, individuals seeking connections in various groups, clubs, cliques and classes. Belonging to a healthy community (even a small bonded union of two), strengthens the individual to stand for those ideals which are shared within the group. This is why many of us prefer exercising in groups. A well-structured fitness group helps fill our need to feel part of something bigger than ourselves; like we aren’t alone. Bonds forged in groups help us feel understood and connected; realizing we aren’t the first to walk the difficult path upon which we stand. As in all things, balance is key. Both connectedness and independence are important ingredients i...

“We talked about building a house on the home-place,” she said, “but that road is just too hard to travel.” I thought about those words. Truly, this little “home place” is ¾ of the way to the end of Sleepy Hollow; a narrow, very rough, dirt road that reaches deep into the hills between Blanco and Luckenbach. When it rains and pours, the Blanco River swells, and we hope we’re on the right side when that happens. If the naturally trending tendency toward nearly-impassable isn’t enough, a couple of earthen speed bumps (to slow traffic on a small and otherwise relatively flat and smooth stretch of the private road), have been installed by some family/neighbors, and effectively moderate my speed when I’m running late as I pass their place with a carful of kids all needing to be in town in less 20 minutes from the time we left the house (which is a full 20 minute drive, when I don’t drive too fast on the dirt road). I gladly and gratefully travel this hard road because it takes me where I wa...

While perched atop a scaffold recently, picking the ‘best’ plums from high in the tree, I pondered a conversation I had with a brilliant scientist/family member, not long ago. As it turns out, even among the highly intelligent and well-educated population, there’s disagreement as to whether or not truth is relative or universal... With that playing in my mind, I examined this magnificent tree. It was full of fruit; some of the plums were on the green side, some bursting with fully ripened goodness, and many at stages of development somewhere between. Below the tree were dozens that had fallen to the ground, being overripe, and were presently in a state of decay. (It wouldn’t have occurred to me that the fruit on the ground could be useful until my brother-in-law said he uses the newly fallen plums to make a beverage, saying they are juiciest and sweetest of all.) Picking plums seemed relevant to my conversation with the scientist, whom I love: I held that there is universal truth; he r...

The end of the school year is fraught with stressors, although intermingled with joy and pride in something completed. We’re ambivalent when graduation comes; sad because childhood is passing, excited with new horizons to explore. Even when everything goes right, transitional periods in life are difficult. When things go wrong during transition, sometimes excruciatingly wrong, the word ‘difficult’ suddenly becomes an inadequate description. Many labels might accurately describe the feelings of the heart in troubled or uncertain times; anxiety is one. Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome, according to Google Dictionary. Mild levels of anxiety are helpful, giving us momentum and increased motivation to try harder to accomplish a goal. Pain awakens anxiety, of necessity, to fuel our vigilance and endurance through a challenging event or period. High levels of anxiety, though, can be stifling. Very h...

There was tenderness in his words; “Sister, I’m here.” Then, touching her cheek; “OK, now. I’m here, Sister.” He carefully brushed the hair from her forehead with calloused fingers. That tough old farmer; soft as he communed with her for the last time. We’d come to say a final ‘good-bye’ to the only sister of six Blackburn brothers; Joyce. It’s really painful when your sister dies… or your brother. Of all human bonds, the sibling relationship is the only one expected to last a lifetime. Traditionally, we expect the day will come when parents leave this world, and most often, we live many years beyond our parents. We live decades before meeting and marrying the one with whom we hope to spend ‘the rest’ of our lives. We live years before bringing children into the world (and expect to outlive our children…) Siblings, though, are those we’ve known our entire lives (or close to it), and with whom we feel a sense of parallelism in life. Sibling relationships represent our past, present and ...

I stood on the inside, looking through the glass, as my friend waited for my help. She had turned the handle and pulled the door, but it was swollen with moisture owing to the rain, and didn’t open. She watched me come near the door and smile at her through the glass, but instead of pushing the door from the inside, I simply encouraged her loudly, “Try again.” Once more, she turned the handle and pulled the door, with more force that second time. It opened. If we had been somewhere else, I might have helped someone trying to open a door; but we were about to train for strength, endurance, flexibility and balance. I was in trainer mode. The help I gave her was encouragement and an expression of my faith in her. I knew she could open the door and that she hadn’t applied her full effort the first time. The obstacle wasn’t as big as she thought at first (wondering if the door might be locked). The door was unlocked. The failed first attempt to open it was due to an imagined limit. Rejectin...

Preparing to exercise together, each of three women confessed that none was completely happy with her figure. We laughed after I suggested we all suffer from some degree of body image dysmorphia. Many women have heightened aesthetic sensitivity. This is understandable, considering our lingering tendency to praise little girls for being pretty, beautiful, cute, etc. It’s not surprising that girls often grow up feeling “worth” is connected to “looks.” There’s a tendency in women, and increasingly in men, to see ourselves through slightly negative filters, too. However, when this tendency becomes a preoccupation with our flaws in appearance or defects (even flaws only we can see in ourselves), we begin to cross a line that separates the average woman/man from someone with an obsessive-compulsive and anxiety-related disorder called body dysmorphic disorder or BDD. BDD has been called “a disease of self-perceived ugliness,” is classified as a mental disorder, and isn’t a laughing matter (Ed...

In 2004, I adopted a policy to help protect my teenage boys from peer pressure. It was and still is a policy of random drug testing at home. Fifteen years ago, fewer people were using at-home screening tools and prices were higher than we can find today. Not only are test kits available for the most commonly used illicit substances, but there are options to screen for cotinine, as well (cotinine is the main end product wasted in urine as a result of nicotine consumption). This means that, even if your child isn’t selected for random testing at school, parents most certainly can screen their own children at home. Many screening tools are more than 99% accurate and can detect dozens of illegal and controlled substances, including the highly addictive, and most commonly abused drugs. Random testing at home gave my boys an excuse to abstain, without losing face. Providing the security of a random test is much the same as providing and enforcing the use of seatbelts. Most of us won’t be kil...

Mr. Blackburn remembers buying a cigar, while attending his third-grade field trip to the San Antonio Zoo. He described his purchase: “It was a great big ol’ cigar…and I got a rubber snake, too.” We both laughed. He followed up by describing his attempt to smoke that cigar when he got home, while his dad and older brothers laughed. My, how times have changed… Though we do now, we didn’t always know the dangers of smoking. A friend of mine smoked by prescription (when she was a very young child in the Philippines), to treat her asthma. She didn’t go on to be a life-long smoker, but many people did, asthmatics and others. Many smokers got hooked as teens, back in the day, and though there’s a trending decline in the number of us smoking tobacco these days, there’s a rising new trend on the bus, the playground, in the bathrooms at school, and right in the very classroom; vaping. If you’d like to know more about new vaping data, one place to start might be center4research.org. Made in Chin...

It’s hard to catch your breath after having the wind knocked out of you, as my boy experienced recently when one of his favorite swinging ropes broke. It hurt, but could’ve been much worse. He’d been warned it was a matter of time, and though he learned a valuable lesson, he’s still swinging from other strategically placed ropes around the farm. In a way, I feel the wind has been knocked out of me, too, and catching my breath after surgery has been harder than I expected. I decided; because it has been almost a week since the procedure to fuse three vertebrae in my neck (etc.), and since I’m strong and determined, I was going to get up with the family and help them get off to school (instead of laying in bed while Mr. Blackburn took care of business, like he’s been doing with faithful diligence through all of this). In the process of my attempt to ready a simply breakfast, however, I made a terrible mess in the kitchen and ended up in tears, feeling very sorry for myself. I realized ju...

I was working on some online indexing of draft registration cards from New York State, dated around the end of the 1890’s this morning, thinking of my mother. She was a genealogist and loved family history. Ahead of her time in many ways, Aurale (“Lee” for short), used technology to further the work of making public records accessible around the world, even before the internet became available to the average citizen. At the time of her death, she was the moderator of two genealogy centered web pages, and had been helping people around the globe find their ancestors long before the big names like ancestry.com and familysearch.org came along. My mother had found a post-retirement work that gave her life significance. She felt her life had meaning and that she still had much work to do. She was busy working until a couple of days before she died. She left a treasure trove of organized records spanning generations. By the time she left us, Lee had already passed through one of the end stag...

As we headed our various directions after SWEAT this morning, Rose paused to pick up a little ball of bright green moss. “This reminds me of my grandson,” she said, “He found something like this (recently) and was so excited!” She smiled at the memory and continued, “He said, ‘It’s just like its own little world.’” I was happy she shared that with me. The amazement in a new discovery and the opening of his eyes to a deeper understanding was beautiful to the grandmother of a little boy, and the memory of it will always be a treasure. Because she shared that little moment with me, complete with an object to demonstrate the lesson, I glimpsed the wonderful epiphany of a young child realizing his world isn’t the only one. Because she shared it with me, her joy became mine. Friendship is a wonderful thing. It can also be a terrible thing, depending on how it’s done… Unhealthy friendships involve easily angered people with a generally negative attitude toward life, gossiping about other peop...

Let’s step back and assess the value and meaning of things. What is fitness? According to Merriam-Webster, it’s a noun with the following first and second listed definitions: “the quality or state of being fit, and the capacity of an organism to survive and transmit its genotype to reproductive offspring as compared to competing organisms.” As with many words, the true meaning of the word “fitness” is debatable. Who determines what truly is and is not related to your personal fitness, in a wholistic sense? Most people with whom I’ve conversed on this topic agree; being fit not only means physical wellness and strength, but emotional and mental wellness and strength, too. I have to wonder if there is any one person reading this piece who would deny that the entire body and mind of a person is susceptible to training in the ways of strength and/or weakness. We accept that childhood obesity and diabetes relate to fitness, and we’ve come to welcome advice as to their prevention and treatme...

Let me share some advice given by two men; one young and one old: A young man asked one of my daughters, “How do you know when you’re successful?” She replied, “That depends on what your idea of success is.” He said, “Wrong answer.” He held that success is when you achieve your financial goals and have everything you could ever want that money can buy. He said, “Get a good job, save your money and get rich; that is success.” This young man is well loved and respected. He has a young wife and two children. He seems happy. An old man shared with me something he learned as a youth; “Too soon old. Too late smart.” During our visit, he shared stories from ‘back when.’ Reminiscing, he mentioned that he had turned down business and employment opportunities due to family priorities, more than once. He said he wanted to support his family, but wasn’t willing to leave them to do it. He’d seen what often happens when too much time is spent away from each other, and he didn’t want to risk that wit...